Love
Posted by
Roh
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Love gets so complicated,
It gets you frustrated,
You choose it again and again
Even when there's nothing to gain
What makes it worth your time?
Is the feeling that sublime?
You say without it your life is dreary
Yet it's the very thing that makes you weary
In love there's no right or wrong,
Its melody is like a broken song
Often it comforts, often it saddens,
Often it liberates, often it maddens
Yet the world longs for love
It's a gift after all from the heavens above
What you do with it is upto you
But remember, true love, is the privilege of a few
So if there's someone you love, go show that you care,
But along with the good times, embrace the despair
And if your love truly stems from the heart,
You'll find a way to be with one another, even when apart
It gets you frustrated,
You choose it again and again
Even when there's nothing to gain
What makes it worth your time?
Is the feeling that sublime?
You say without it your life is dreary
Yet it's the very thing that makes you weary
In love there's no right or wrong,
Its melody is like a broken song
Often it comforts, often it saddens,
Often it liberates, often it maddens
Yet the world longs for love
It's a gift after all from the heavens above
What you do with it is upto you
But remember, true love, is the privilege of a few
So if there's someone you love, go show that you care,
But along with the good times, embrace the despair
And if your love truly stems from the heart,
You'll find a way to be with one another, even when apart
Shut your mouth, Jabronis.
Posted by
Roh
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I don’t believe in Fatwas. But if we must issue one, let’s put it to optimum use. First, anyone who can’t exercise basic restraint in speech is disastrous for society. I’m talking about the loony variety that randomly meets you and say something totally inappropriate like ‘Isn’t that person ugly?, or it could even be a snide remark, apparently in jest, directed towards you. While the temptation to respond to that by swiftly delivering a swollen cheek reaches dizzying heights before sanity eventually takes over, tolerance is of the essence here.
People who comment on another’s appearance are so far below on the evolutionary scale that you’d need to excavate endlessly to bring them to the surface. It is never funny to joke about someone’s appearance or for that matter any physical attribute that they have no control over. Moreover, in a media-fed society where every opinion is visually dictated to us, our entire concept of beauty is distorted. Actually it’s plain retarded. While I’ve personally reached a point in my life where it doesn’t affect me whether you call me attractive or unattractive, I’m sure other people are affected by such snide remarks. So what do you do? Ignore? Retaliate? Nah. Smile. Not the wide, grinning, elated one. But the one in which you let out a stream of air from your nose and your lips part to about 30% of a full smile. It’s laced with just a dash of indifference. I’ve perfected that look. Honestly, it’s the best way to disarm a verbal-diarrheic sufferer. And they are guaranteed to be left looking like the joke is on them. But don’t forget to bang in a quick, mental ‘God Bless You’. And mean it. Karma points should be overflowing - never know when you need to redeem them.
You need to realise that nothing anyone says to you can ever have any power over you. And the moment you allow anyone to, you’ve disappointed that all-pervading entity above. For he has made you perfect, and to allow a fellow, superficial human being to challenge that is indulging is spiritual hara-kiri.
People who comment on another’s appearance are so far below on the evolutionary scale that you’d need to excavate endlessly to bring them to the surface. It is never funny to joke about someone’s appearance or for that matter any physical attribute that they have no control over. Moreover, in a media-fed society where every opinion is visually dictated to us, our entire concept of beauty is distorted. Actually it’s plain retarded. While I’ve personally reached a point in my life where it doesn’t affect me whether you call me attractive or unattractive, I’m sure other people are affected by such snide remarks. So what do you do? Ignore? Retaliate? Nah. Smile. Not the wide, grinning, elated one. But the one in which you let out a stream of air from your nose and your lips part to about 30% of a full smile. It’s laced with just a dash of indifference. I’ve perfected that look. Honestly, it’s the best way to disarm a verbal-diarrheic sufferer. And they are guaranteed to be left looking like the joke is on them. But don’t forget to bang in a quick, mental ‘God Bless You’. And mean it. Karma points should be overflowing - never know when you need to redeem them.
You need to realise that nothing anyone says to you can ever have any power over you. And the moment you allow anyone to, you’ve disappointed that all-pervading entity above. For he has made you perfect, and to allow a fellow, superficial human being to challenge that is indulging is spiritual hara-kiri.
Love and Peace
Rohan
27 ways to know you're 27
Posted by
Roh
comments (10)
1. You’re ‘somewhere’ but you’re not ‘there’ yet.
2. If you’re married, you’re unsure of whether to have kids. If you’re not, you’re unsure of marriage itself.
3. You think twice before jumping ship in your job. Suddenly CV matters more than ever.
4. Your friend circle is streamlined. Only some matter. Most don’t.
5. When someone calls you for a late night party, you see the time, and think whether it’s a workday tomorrow.
6. Frivolous sex seems mundane, even overrated.
7. You ask yourself deep questions like ‘Is there more to life than just this’?
8. Birthdays are happy occasions. That’s it. Nothing to get too excited about.
9. At social gatherings, you’re unsure of whether to mingle with the early 20s or the early 30s. Both seem equally uninteresting.
10. Little kids call you Uncle and Aunty.
11. You’re independent, but would rather not be.
12. You make enough money, but not really enough.
13. Every ‘IF’ is followed by a ‘BUT’ – You weigh the pros and cons of everything.
14. Your metabolism is slowly deserting you.
15. Sleeping at a fixed time seems to be a priority.
16. Waking up at a fixed time seems to be a priority.
17. You’re unfamiliar with the latest lingo in the young circle. Recently, I discovered that LBD stands for Little Black Dress.
18. You still get acne. It’s almost gone, almost, well not really.
19. You're the man with the plan, except what is the plan?
20. You’re the woman with a focus, except what is the focus?
21. Ripped jeans make way for sober ones.
22. Your wardrobe finally has a suit.
23. You want to change everyone...except yourself. Too late for that.
24. You’re suddenly interested in news channels and the economy.
25. Kids used to be annoying, now they’re oh-so-cute!
26. Sudden role reversal – Payback time for parents!
27. You live alone, and finally learn to switch off the lights.
2. If you’re married, you’re unsure of whether to have kids. If you’re not, you’re unsure of marriage itself.
3. You think twice before jumping ship in your job. Suddenly CV matters more than ever.
4. Your friend circle is streamlined. Only some matter. Most don’t.
5. When someone calls you for a late night party, you see the time, and think whether it’s a workday tomorrow.
6. Frivolous sex seems mundane, even overrated.
7. You ask yourself deep questions like ‘Is there more to life than just this’?
8. Birthdays are happy occasions. That’s it. Nothing to get too excited about.
9. At social gatherings, you’re unsure of whether to mingle with the early 20s or the early 30s. Both seem equally uninteresting.
10. Little kids call you Uncle and Aunty.
11. You’re independent, but would rather not be.
12. You make enough money, but not really enough.
13. Every ‘IF’ is followed by a ‘BUT’ – You weigh the pros and cons of everything.
14. Your metabolism is slowly deserting you.
15. Sleeping at a fixed time seems to be a priority.
16. Waking up at a fixed time seems to be a priority.
17. You’re unfamiliar with the latest lingo in the young circle. Recently, I discovered that LBD stands for Little Black Dress.
18. You still get acne. It’s almost gone, almost, well not really.
19. You're the man with the plan, except what is the plan?
20. You’re the woman with a focus, except what is the focus?
21. Ripped jeans make way for sober ones.
22. Your wardrobe finally has a suit.
23. You want to change everyone...except yourself. Too late for that.
24. You’re suddenly interested in news channels and the economy.
25. Kids used to be annoying, now they’re oh-so-cute!
26. Sudden role reversal – Payback time for parents!
27. You live alone, and finally learn to switch off the lights.
Chance vs Choice
Posted by
Roh
comments (2)
You’re standing at the supermarket aisle, and myriad choices stare at you. You enter a garment store, and multiple colour combinations of apparel are stacked neatly in different sections. A visit to the book or electronics store will probably leave you more confused than certain of your purchase. In life, we have a lot of choices. At least when it comes to mundane, day-to-day living. But what about the deeper, more meaningful aspects of life? Relationships, Career, Sickness, Health, Money. Do we choose these, or are they simply a result of destiny? An ancient Hindu saying goes, ‘On every morsel of food, the eater’s name is written.’ If this is true, then it is also true that you get exactly as much as is written in your destiny, not an ounce more or less. This, instinctively, makes sense. Consider this: Two people out of college, both brilliant, both equally hard-working. Yet, one makes it to the top, the other struggles. One has riches, fame and glory, while the other tries to make ends meet. Only one thing explains this, and that’s karma. I believe that karma is firmly linked to your destiny. Take a highly competitive industry like the film world. Millions of strugglers come to Mumbai from all across India in the hope of making it big. All view the world with their rose-tinted glasses, the glimmer of hope evident in every eye. Yet, some make it, while others perish. And some make it without even having tried for it. ‘I got spotted at a coffee shop’, ‘A director randomly approached me at a party’, ‘I never wanted to be an actor’…we’ve all heard of such examples. And if destiny doesn’t explain this, then what does? Of course, ‘success’ itself is subjective. Who’s more successful, the brilliant academician who dedicates his entire life to teaching underprivileged students in a village or the corporate honcho who rakes in the big bucks? Both probably have their own roles to play in life. And that again is destiny. We all come here to experience something. So if someone struggles all his or her life to ‘get somewhere’ and yet doesn’t, then maybe that’s the experience: to struggle. Yet, society will be quick to judge these people, deeming them as ‘failures’ who couldn’t make it. The people judging them forget that karma and destiny are unavoidable, and sooner or later, in this lifetime or the next, it’ll catch up with them too. A managing director of a huge multinational could have been a peon in the previous lifetime, or be one in the next. Everyone experiences everything at some point of the life-death cycle. So why judge? To judge is to insult destiny.
When things don’t seem to work out in life, we get impatient, and many of us visit tarot readers, psychics, palmists and the like who offer us a glimpse into the future. If it’s something we want to hear, our spirits lift, but if it’s doom and gloom in store, then we’re disheartened and begin to fear the future. Sometimes, it’s more comforting to not know the answers to certain things in your life. I believe that most answers only lie with the almighty. And if he has to communicate it to you, it’ll come from within and not an outside source. Why rush things and allow doubt to enter your mind? If he’s created you, can’t you trust him enough to take care of you? We have all tried to ‘make things happen’ in our lives, but how often has it worked? It is said that if you really want to make God laugh, tell him what your plans are.
While I do believe in destiny, I also believe that thinking positively is immensely beneficial. It may not change what’s written, but it definitely helps in accepting the future. The ultimate goal in life is to return to the creator, with nothing more left to experience. Till you reach that point of enlightenment, why judge someone else’s experience, and more importantly, why judge your own? Don’t be a good person so you can reap the benefits of your noble actions in the next lifetime. Be a good person because it’s the only way to be.
When things don’t seem to work out in life, we get impatient, and many of us visit tarot readers, psychics, palmists and the like who offer us a glimpse into the future. If it’s something we want to hear, our spirits lift, but if it’s doom and gloom in store, then we’re disheartened and begin to fear the future. Sometimes, it’s more comforting to not know the answers to certain things in your life. I believe that most answers only lie with the almighty. And if he has to communicate it to you, it’ll come from within and not an outside source. Why rush things and allow doubt to enter your mind? If he’s created you, can’t you trust him enough to take care of you? We have all tried to ‘make things happen’ in our lives, but how often has it worked? It is said that if you really want to make God laugh, tell him what your plans are.
While I do believe in destiny, I also believe that thinking positively is immensely beneficial. It may not change what’s written, but it definitely helps in accepting the future. The ultimate goal in life is to return to the creator, with nothing more left to experience. Till you reach that point of enlightenment, why judge someone else’s experience, and more importantly, why judge your own? Don’t be a good person so you can reap the benefits of your noble actions in the next lifetime. Be a good person because it’s the only way to be.
Respecting women - How hard is it, really?
Posted by
Roh
comments (2)
I’m shocked, saddened, and utterly aghast. Not just by the one incident that’s been the news-focus of late, but by the millions of such crimes against women that have already happened and will continue to occur across the world, unless there’s some sort of miracle to lift the human consciousness from its shockingly low depths. How did we even descend into such anarchy? When did men lose all sense of restraint and behaviour? Society barely recovers from one incident, and another one occurs, thwarting any attempt of a positive outlook to the future.
Women need to be credited for the existence of mankind. They are the perfect managers – managing their work and home impeccably. They embody eternal love, compassion, commitment and resilience. Managing every aspect of life harmoniously is only one of their unending qualities. I wonder, then, why they demand to be considered ‘equal’. They’re definitely superior.
I’ve always asked for only one thing from the almighty – to bless with me a daughter. But with an increasingly depraved male mentality that considers the fairer sex as a device of sexual gratification, no matter how young or old, I better be careful about what I wish for.
Commitment confusion
Posted by
Roh
comments (30)
Relationships – they can be liberating, confusing, exhilarating, comforting, saddening, satisfying, reassuring – the list is endless, really. Yet, it’s precisely these myriad emotions that make relationships special. I’m in an utterly satisfying, committed relationship, and I’ve experienced all these feelings, and each feeling has only strengthened the bond that I share with my better half. As a student of life, I’ve always had many questions on relationships, and have explored various self-help books for finding my answers. But as with all sources of knowledge, the one that comes from within is always the best source. What you’re about to read now might seem like a contradiction to widely accepted beliefs about relationships, but if you read it with an open mind and heart, these words might resonate within you as the ‘truth’. Of course, in the larger scheme of things, nothing is really true or false or right or wrong. Everything in life is a matter of personal perspective.
As someone in a relationship for seven, fulfilling years (and counting), and two of those seven years being long-distance, I’m often asked how I handle temptations and situations where the desire to stray is intense. Many of these questions are from men or women who love their partners immensely but have ‘slipped up’ (to use their terminology) on a rare occasion. While the obvious moral answer is ‘You need to ask yourself if cheating on your partner is worth it’, I think the real answer lies elsewhere. History suggests that human beings have been attracted, physically or emotionally, to more than one person at a time, regardless of whether or not they were in a committed relationship. It’s basic human nature. In fact, a number of articles go on to suggest that even when it comes to marriage, monogamy is a not a natural phenomenon but a cultural one. Now while I, personally, don’t condone infidelity, I do agree with these observations at some level. If a friend of mine walked up to me and suddenly confessed, ‘I’m in a relationship with three incredible women’, my first response would be ‘Do you love all three?’ Now this might seem like a radical point of view to many people reading this, but it’s something that I do truly believe in. Moreover, my spiritual explorations over the years have only confirmed this belief. One of France’s famous psychologists, Maryse Vaillant recently stated ‘"Most men don't do it (indulge in infidelity) because they no longer love their partners, on the contrary," she said, "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".
I’m in a relationship with the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. And for someone who doesn’t care about looks, it’s something else when I say it! She’s all I really ever want or need from my life, and the feeling I get when I’m around her is unmatched. She’s the epitome of commitment, and despite being a writer, what I feel for her is indescribable in words. When I close my eyes, I just know she’ll be the mother of kids (apologies for being so sappy!). But she’s perfectly and intricately handcrafted for me. There’s definitely a past-life connection there. And I choose it remains for future lives too. Yet, it wasn’t always like this. Being the borderline eccentric person that I am, I’ve taken periodic breaks from my relationship, only to introspect and be sure of my feelings at a deeper level. And being the perfect woman that she is, she’s understood my need for this. I don’t want any doubts to arise when she’ll be my wife, and I choose to be the best husband, for not only does she deserve that, I WANT to be one. At the risk of sounding proud, I can say that I’ve had many, many women attracted to me in these seven years, and while there were temptations to stray, I’ve been committed. I’ve let myself loose on breaks at times, had some crazy drinking nights, done things one wouldn’t normally do, but I’ve never compromised the sanctity of my relationship, not in the strictest sense anyway. But if someone did stray, and sought my opinion on the matter, I wouldn’t judge the person. I think it’s very possible to really love someone, make a one-time ‘mistake’ (if that’s how you define it), and still not lose any feeling for the person you love. In many instances, it has a beneficial result: you realize that the one you love is irreplaceable and has a firm, rooted, irreplaceable place your heart, and the need for anything outside of it is misguided, or more appropriately, unnecessary. Of course, if you’re in and open relationship or on a break, it’s not straying. But even if you’re not, and it does happen by chance, then you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it, or let society play moral judge. Moreover, you shouldn’t feel like a victim of circumstances or victimize the other person. Everything in life is a choice. While these are points to consider, I, personally, truly believe that sex is something that is too intimate and can only be shared with someone you truly love, if you are in a relationship that is. If you’re not, you could have many sexual partners, and have feelings for all of them, until you find that one person you want to have it with for the rest of your life. And if you still don’t find the one, that’s perfectly alright too. There’s nothing wrong about choosing to remain single forever.
If you were to gatecrash a ‘committed’ man’s bachelor party, 8 out of the 10 things you would see there would be considered serious cheating (lap dances, kissing are some of the milder things!) But the way I look at it, it’s just a little mindless fun before you make that one, all-important commitment to your soul-mate. Some of you may wonder whether I practice what I preach. Well, I haven’t been in too many situations like these personally, so I can’t provide an accurate first-hand account. But here’s a hypothetical response. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Would I forgive my partner if she let herself slip-up once and assured me it didn’t mean a thing? Yes, I would. Would I expect her to do the same? No. Is it okay? Well, there’s never a definite answer to that. Not one that pleases all, anyway.
I believe in monogamy, but I also believe in the theory that it isn’t natural. There’s credible research that confirms this. Human beings, however, have evolved to the extent that they can keep their primal urges in check. So when I tie the knot with the woman I love, I’ll make that promise to uphold the pact of loyalty. But that’s only because I choose to not look beyond her. I find monogamy fabulous and sexual exclusivity wonderfully romantic. But it must be backed with the right purpose. It must arise out of the deep passion between two people. Most importantly, it should be a matter of choice. When it’s forced upon or is just a farce, it goes against our basic nature of seeking variety. So if you find that such exclusivity is a tough commitment and even tougher to stick to it, don’t think of yourself as the devil incarnate. It’s only natural! I, on the other hand, better go scouting for that perfect engagement ring.
As someone in a relationship for seven, fulfilling years (and counting), and two of those seven years being long-distance, I’m often asked how I handle temptations and situations where the desire to stray is intense. Many of these questions are from men or women who love their partners immensely but have ‘slipped up’ (to use their terminology) on a rare occasion. While the obvious moral answer is ‘You need to ask yourself if cheating on your partner is worth it’, I think the real answer lies elsewhere. History suggests that human beings have been attracted, physically or emotionally, to more than one person at a time, regardless of whether or not they were in a committed relationship. It’s basic human nature. In fact, a number of articles go on to suggest that even when it comes to marriage, monogamy is a not a natural phenomenon but a cultural one. Now while I, personally, don’t condone infidelity, I do agree with these observations at some level. If a friend of mine walked up to me and suddenly confessed, ‘I’m in a relationship with three incredible women’, my first response would be ‘Do you love all three?’ Now this might seem like a radical point of view to many people reading this, but it’s something that I do truly believe in. Moreover, my spiritual explorations over the years have only confirmed this belief. One of France’s famous psychologists, Maryse Vaillant recently stated ‘"Most men don't do it (indulge in infidelity) because they no longer love their partners, on the contrary," she said, "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".
I’m in a relationship with the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. And for someone who doesn’t care about looks, it’s something else when I say it! She’s all I really ever want or need from my life, and the feeling I get when I’m around her is unmatched. She’s the epitome of commitment, and despite being a writer, what I feel for her is indescribable in words. When I close my eyes, I just know she’ll be the mother of kids (apologies for being so sappy!). But she’s perfectly and intricately handcrafted for me. There’s definitely a past-life connection there. And I choose it remains for future lives too. Yet, it wasn’t always like this. Being the borderline eccentric person that I am, I’ve taken periodic breaks from my relationship, only to introspect and be sure of my feelings at a deeper level. And being the perfect woman that she is, she’s understood my need for this. I don’t want any doubts to arise when she’ll be my wife, and I choose to be the best husband, for not only does she deserve that, I WANT to be one. At the risk of sounding proud, I can say that I’ve had many, many women attracted to me in these seven years, and while there were temptations to stray, I’ve been committed. I’ve let myself loose on breaks at times, had some crazy drinking nights, done things one wouldn’t normally do, but I’ve never compromised the sanctity of my relationship, not in the strictest sense anyway. But if someone did stray, and sought my opinion on the matter, I wouldn’t judge the person. I think it’s very possible to really love someone, make a one-time ‘mistake’ (if that’s how you define it), and still not lose any feeling for the person you love. In many instances, it has a beneficial result: you realize that the one you love is irreplaceable and has a firm, rooted, irreplaceable place your heart, and the need for anything outside of it is misguided, or more appropriately, unnecessary. Of course, if you’re in and open relationship or on a break, it’s not straying. But even if you’re not, and it does happen by chance, then you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it, or let society play moral judge. Moreover, you shouldn’t feel like a victim of circumstances or victimize the other person. Everything in life is a choice. While these are points to consider, I, personally, truly believe that sex is something that is too intimate and can only be shared with someone you truly love, if you are in a relationship that is. If you’re not, you could have many sexual partners, and have feelings for all of them, until you find that one person you want to have it with for the rest of your life. And if you still don’t find the one, that’s perfectly alright too. There’s nothing wrong about choosing to remain single forever.
If you were to gatecrash a ‘committed’ man’s bachelor party, 8 out of the 10 things you would see there would be considered serious cheating (lap dances, kissing are some of the milder things!) But the way I look at it, it’s just a little mindless fun before you make that one, all-important commitment to your soul-mate. Some of you may wonder whether I practice what I preach. Well, I haven’t been in too many situations like these personally, so I can’t provide an accurate first-hand account. But here’s a hypothetical response. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Would I forgive my partner if she let herself slip-up once and assured me it didn’t mean a thing? Yes, I would. Would I expect her to do the same? No. Is it okay? Well, there’s never a definite answer to that. Not one that pleases all, anyway.
I believe in monogamy, but I also believe in the theory that it isn’t natural. There’s credible research that confirms this. Human beings, however, have evolved to the extent that they can keep their primal urges in check. So when I tie the knot with the woman I love, I’ll make that promise to uphold the pact of loyalty. But that’s only because I choose to not look beyond her. I find monogamy fabulous and sexual exclusivity wonderfully romantic. But it must be backed with the right purpose. It must arise out of the deep passion between two people. Most importantly, it should be a matter of choice. When it’s forced upon or is just a farce, it goes against our basic nature of seeking variety. So if you find that such exclusivity is a tough commitment and even tougher to stick to it, don’t think of yourself as the devil incarnate. It’s only natural! I, on the other hand, better go scouting for that perfect engagement ring.
Are you out of your mind yet?
Posted by
Roh
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Thoughts – they occupy a predominant chunk of our daily lives. We’re thinking all the time. When we wake up, during our daily ablutions, on the way to work, at work, on the way back from work, just before we sleep, and even while we’re sleeping, thoughts barge into our heads, in the form of dreams. What is this unending urge to think? Is it even an urge or is it just something programmed into our subconscious? Do we really have control over what we think and how much we think? Is it possible to stop thinking altogether and just exist? If this is achievable, then what is the function of the mind? Will it just be reduced to a useless component of the human body? I’ve found some of these answers through my own experience. And the answers didn’t come when I thought about the questions. I was simply out of my mind and everything fell into place. That said, it’s worth knowing that every spiritual query lies within. What I’m writing here is something you’ve always known intrinsically, but your mind’s ever-interfering nature has ensured that this knowledge continues to remain shrouded in mystery. It doesn’t have to be that way, anymore. You can control your mind, instead of your mind controlling you. When you stop thinking about the future or the past, and you reach the point of being out of your mind, you’ll notice that life begins to transform miraculously. Yet, this is no miracle. It’s an undeniable spiritual law. Many self-help books only talk about the benefits of thinking positive thoughts. I however believe that you can simply be positive, instead of thinking about it. We need more books on ‘positive being’ instead of the myriad ones on ‘positive thinking’. Eckhart Tolle, whom I deeply revere, did delve into present-moment awareness and mind control. However, I feel that real-life examples of putting this to practice lend greater assurance to the spiritual seeker.
I’ve combined present-moment awareness with affirmations and applied this to my relationships, finances, and career. I’m no guru, preacher or messiah. I’m just one among the many people who are trying to get life to work for them. After reading countless self-help books, I realized that a majority of them lionize the mind. Law of attraction, positive thinking, visualization techniques, past-life regression, all use the mind in some way or the other to achieve desires. They argue that you must focus on your desires for an extended period of time in order for them to manifest. Yet, I believe that the only way to access abundance is by not over-engaging the mind. It’s important to have desires, but it’s just as important to be detached from the fulfillment of those desires. Once you’ve released your desires into the universe, simply step back. In my own experience, whenever I’ve had a desire but not been too attached to its manifestation, the desire has materialized almost all the time. The mind loves to think more about the outcome, and it is precisely this act of the mind that stops us from getting our good.
The mind has some splendid functions and it can help us in many ways, such as acquiring knowledge and understanding things. And we can continue to employ it for those uses. But we would do well to eliminate an undesirable feature of the mind – that of constant contemplation. In other words, we must learn to stop thinking all the time. And if a compulsive thinker like me could break free from the shackles of incessant thinking, I’m sure anyone can. Just keep an open mind, till it’s open enough for you to get out of it!
I’ve combined present-moment awareness with affirmations and applied this to my relationships, finances, and career. I’m no guru, preacher or messiah. I’m just one among the many people who are trying to get life to work for them. After reading countless self-help books, I realized that a majority of them lionize the mind. Law of attraction, positive thinking, visualization techniques, past-life regression, all use the mind in some way or the other to achieve desires. They argue that you must focus on your desires for an extended period of time in order for them to manifest. Yet, I believe that the only way to access abundance is by not over-engaging the mind. It’s important to have desires, but it’s just as important to be detached from the fulfillment of those desires. Once you’ve released your desires into the universe, simply step back. In my own experience, whenever I’ve had a desire but not been too attached to its manifestation, the desire has materialized almost all the time. The mind loves to think more about the outcome, and it is precisely this act of the mind that stops us from getting our good.
The mind has some splendid functions and it can help us in many ways, such as acquiring knowledge and understanding things. And we can continue to employ it for those uses. But we would do well to eliminate an undesirable feature of the mind – that of constant contemplation. In other words, we must learn to stop thinking all the time. And if a compulsive thinker like me could break free from the shackles of incessant thinking, I’m sure anyone can. Just keep an open mind, till it’s open enough for you to get out of it!
Sleep talk
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Roh
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When the sun sets slowly and the lights go dim,
The day ends slowly and an uncertain night begins,
Thoughts fill your mind; you struggle to keep them at bay,
Darkness washes over you, in a mystical way
‘Am I who I am?’, such questions you ask,
A moment of sleep seems like an endless, nagging task,
You simply lay there, taking in the distant sounds,
You look for someone to hold, but there’s no one around
A luxury of a few, sleep doesn’t come to us all,
You feel like you’re floating, like a never ending fall,
When your eyelids shut, and a few winks come,
Right through your window, beckons the morning sun
The world is rising, and you still need that sleep,
The sun may be smiling, but you just want to weep,
You dress up, and grudgingly stumble out of bed,
Your face shows your anger, in myriad shades of red
You glance at the clock, it’s still early in the day,
Your eyelids protest, nudging you back to sleep,
Your crawl back into bed, your body unfurled,
You’re in deep slumber, oblivious to the world
The day ends slowly and an uncertain night begins,
Thoughts fill your mind; you struggle to keep them at bay,
Darkness washes over you, in a mystical way
‘Am I who I am?’, such questions you ask,
A moment of sleep seems like an endless, nagging task,
You simply lay there, taking in the distant sounds,
You look for someone to hold, but there’s no one around
A luxury of a few, sleep doesn’t come to us all,
You feel like you’re floating, like a never ending fall,
When your eyelids shut, and a few winks come,
Right through your window, beckons the morning sun
The world is rising, and you still need that sleep,
The sun may be smiling, but you just want to weep,
You dress up, and grudgingly stumble out of bed,
Your face shows your anger, in myriad shades of red
You glance at the clock, it’s still early in the day,
Your eyelids protest, nudging you back to sleep,
Your crawl back into bed, your body unfurled,
You’re in deep slumber, oblivious to the world
Life is what you make it
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Roh
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I can’t be one among the herd. I’m done dealing with personalities that are sickeningly obstinate, the kinds that derive an odd pleasure seeing heads nodding downwards in compliance and can’t stand heads moving sideways in dissent. I’ve always rebelled, silently and non-violently, against such authorities, and that all-pervading entity up there must really love me, for I’ve never had to pay a price for being me. I’ve charted my own path and my decision to live life on my own terms is a resolute one. The last 12 months have been vaguely interesting, and as with all experiences in life, there were rough times, happy times, boring times, crazy times, funny times, sad times, confusing times – you get the drift. But times of introspection were few and far between. I wasn’t in touch with my inner being - that wise, all-knowing spirit in there who has guided me and shown the way. My own fears, doubts, aspirations, and desires created this sheath of confusion around this spirit, who’s been struggling to make himself (or is it herself?) heard. Well, I’ve ripped apart that sheath and the voice is now clear. The dark clouds of uncertainty have parted, and a comforting rain is all set to drench me.
How can you achieve clarity in your life? Well, you can’t beat the sheer simplicity of this approach. Think of what you’d do, if you had infinite money. Don’t just trust the first answer that comes to your head. Take this seriously. What would you do if there was an absence of monetary ambition in your life? The answer could be anything. Dancing, acting, writing, painting, running a monastery, teaching underprivileged kids in a school, setting up an NGO, starting your own publishing house – whatever rocks your boat. Well, that’s your answer right there. That’s what you should be doing. Imagine, if people weren’t driven by money, they’d all be doing what they love doing, and nothing else. And what a society that would be – where money would a means to an end and not an end in itself. People would intrinsically know that if they genuinely love what they do, money will come find them. They wouldn’t have to do the searching. I’m 24, and I think I’ve figured this out quite early in life. But it’s never too late. Indulge in some soul-searching, and the answer will come, and once it does, as the old cliché goes, ‘there won’t be any looking back.’ A lot of people have spent their entire lives trying to build their dream homes, only to realize the bitter fact that they hardly have much time left to spend in that home. If your sole preoccupation is to achieve a healthy bank balance, you will get to that point, but at the cost of your mental and physical health. But if you’re obsessed, in a healthy way, about your passion, whatever it is, then the sheer satisfaction of your work will keep you healthy, the healthiest you’ve ever been. And such stellar health is bound to attract enough wealth.
Love,
Rohan
How can you achieve clarity in your life? Well, you can’t beat the sheer simplicity of this approach. Think of what you’d do, if you had infinite money. Don’t just trust the first answer that comes to your head. Take this seriously. What would you do if there was an absence of monetary ambition in your life? The answer could be anything. Dancing, acting, writing, painting, running a monastery, teaching underprivileged kids in a school, setting up an NGO, starting your own publishing house – whatever rocks your boat. Well, that’s your answer right there. That’s what you should be doing. Imagine, if people weren’t driven by money, they’d all be doing what they love doing, and nothing else. And what a society that would be – where money would a means to an end and not an end in itself. People would intrinsically know that if they genuinely love what they do, money will come find them. They wouldn’t have to do the searching. I’m 24, and I think I’ve figured this out quite early in life. But it’s never too late. Indulge in some soul-searching, and the answer will come, and once it does, as the old cliché goes, ‘there won’t be any looking back.’ A lot of people have spent their entire lives trying to build their dream homes, only to realize the bitter fact that they hardly have much time left to spend in that home. If your sole preoccupation is to achieve a healthy bank balance, you will get to that point, but at the cost of your mental and physical health. But if you’re obsessed, in a healthy way, about your passion, whatever it is, then the sheer satisfaction of your work will keep you healthy, the healthiest you’ve ever been. And such stellar health is bound to attract enough wealth.
Love,
Rohan
Live your dream
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Roh
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The drudgery of a 9-5 existence doesn’t escape most people. But I’ve decided to let myself free from the shackles of a confined cubicle. In retrospect, I wasn’t ever cut out for it. And this drastic step, or rather stride, wasn’t too hard. I simply articulated my ideas to my family, who encouraged my plans to abandon the 'service' life.
What the future holds, I’m not too sure. But it’s going to be filled with positivity, vitality, love, and purposefulness. And the future will take care of itself. I don’t believe in endlessly dwelling on what will happen. It would be shame if I did – all those hours of reading Eckhart Tolle and not imbibing his teachings, what’s the point? The present moment is all there is, and that’s my blueprint for life. Initially, it’s tough to have such resolute, unswerving faith in the entity above, but when you ponder enough over the matter, it’s the only logical way to live. Why delve into the future, which is uncertain, and fill your mind with unproductive thoughts that don’t serve you? Similarly, what can you attain by revisiting the past, which is stuck in time like a frozen opera and cannot be altered? The present is a gift, sent by the celestial well-wisher, and it’s sent to you even before you ask for it (PRE-Sent).
It’s an eventful time for me, these coming months. I’ll be writing, teaching, and perhaps modeling for a few brands if they are worthwhile. It all appears hazy and unstructured now, but there’s a comforting thought that will see me through this uncertain-yet-exciting phase: the fact that I’m not waking up to an alarm clock, not rushing to hail a taxi or board a congested train; not subjecting my fragile ego to incessant rants by the boss or reprimands for mistakes I didn’t commit. I’m not implying that I’ve been through all of this, but what I’m saying will ring a bell with most people reading this. The ‘I’ voice is used so you may relate to it!
I’m happy to have booked myself on this flight of fancy. But I’ll ensure that the landing is a practical one. A wild imagination with no real-world awareness is as futile as great practicality with no imagination. Presently, I’m in a state of nirvana – doing things I love. My true calling has been revealed, and I’ll be answering the call soon. And it’s about time. For now though, I’m ecstatic about not being a slave to the corporate culture. I have the unparalleled satisfaction of being my own boss, setting my own pace. I can already feel my quality of life improving, and my self-worth seems to have got a botox shot as well. 24, an age where you think the world is at your feet. And honestly, it is. The absence of responsibilities (marriage, children, house) allows you to be footloose and fancy free. Can there really be a better age to venture into something of your own?
Go on, live your dream. I’m living mine.
What the future holds, I’m not too sure. But it’s going to be filled with positivity, vitality, love, and purposefulness. And the future will take care of itself. I don’t believe in endlessly dwelling on what will happen. It would be shame if I did – all those hours of reading Eckhart Tolle and not imbibing his teachings, what’s the point? The present moment is all there is, and that’s my blueprint for life. Initially, it’s tough to have such resolute, unswerving faith in the entity above, but when you ponder enough over the matter, it’s the only logical way to live. Why delve into the future, which is uncertain, and fill your mind with unproductive thoughts that don’t serve you? Similarly, what can you attain by revisiting the past, which is stuck in time like a frozen opera and cannot be altered? The present is a gift, sent by the celestial well-wisher, and it’s sent to you even before you ask for it (PRE-Sent).
It’s an eventful time for me, these coming months. I’ll be writing, teaching, and perhaps modeling for a few brands if they are worthwhile. It all appears hazy and unstructured now, but there’s a comforting thought that will see me through this uncertain-yet-exciting phase: the fact that I’m not waking up to an alarm clock, not rushing to hail a taxi or board a congested train; not subjecting my fragile ego to incessant rants by the boss or reprimands for mistakes I didn’t commit. I’m not implying that I’ve been through all of this, but what I’m saying will ring a bell with most people reading this. The ‘I’ voice is used so you may relate to it!
I’m happy to have booked myself on this flight of fancy. But I’ll ensure that the landing is a practical one. A wild imagination with no real-world awareness is as futile as great practicality with no imagination. Presently, I’m in a state of nirvana – doing things I love. My true calling has been revealed, and I’ll be answering the call soon. And it’s about time. For now though, I’m ecstatic about not being a slave to the corporate culture. I have the unparalleled satisfaction of being my own boss, setting my own pace. I can already feel my quality of life improving, and my self-worth seems to have got a botox shot as well. 24, an age where you think the world is at your feet. And honestly, it is. The absence of responsibilities (marriage, children, house) allows you to be footloose and fancy free. Can there really be a better age to venture into something of your own?
Go on, live your dream. I’m living mine.
Live Free
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Roh
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I'm guilty of it too. I gaze into the mirror for hours, sometimes admiring the image that reflects back, and often criticizing it on 'off days'. And it's not restricted to my own image. I judge, criticize, comment, make random conclusions based on physical appearances. Or rather, I once did.
I've finally gone beyond looks. Sure, I might stop for a quick glance to check what the mirror is offering today, but that's about it. And maybe I haven't slept for days, or suddenly broken out, but it doesn't stop me from appreciating what I see. And the reason why I always like my reflection is because it's no longer about my external looks. My focus, almost entirely, has shifted to my world within. How I feel, I've realized, holds far more value than how I look.
Sometimes a glowing compliment or a caustic remark decides how the rest of your day will go – happy, enthusiastic and eager or sad, gloomy, and uninterested. But why? Why should anyone have that kind of power over you? So often, we long for a compliment, and when we don't get one, let disappointment set in. When someone mutters some unpleasant words about you, you take it to heart and let it affect your well-being. Majority of the population goes through this, but that doesn't mean it's normal. It's still insane.
We've all got to stop identifying with form. The physical body is subject to the unchallengeable law of mortality. But the soul isn't. So start focussing on the formless entity that resides inside you, and not the 'formfull' one outside. Don't look at magazines like GQ or Vogue and feel inferior about yourself. You're much bigger than that, and special in your own way. You don't need the media to put a stamp of approval on who you are, or who you should be.
And feel the love. It's the single most powerful emotion to transform everything – your life, your relationships, your career and most importantly – your spirit. In fact, you could call it Botox for your soul!
I've finally gone beyond looks. Sure, I might stop for a quick glance to check what the mirror is offering today, but that's about it. And maybe I haven't slept for days, or suddenly broken out, but it doesn't stop me from appreciating what I see. And the reason why I always like my reflection is because it's no longer about my external looks. My focus, almost entirely, has shifted to my world within. How I feel, I've realized, holds far more value than how I look.
Sometimes a glowing compliment or a caustic remark decides how the rest of your day will go – happy, enthusiastic and eager or sad, gloomy, and uninterested. But why? Why should anyone have that kind of power over you? So often, we long for a compliment, and when we don't get one, let disappointment set in. When someone mutters some unpleasant words about you, you take it to heart and let it affect your well-being. Majority of the population goes through this, but that doesn't mean it's normal. It's still insane.
We've all got to stop identifying with form. The physical body is subject to the unchallengeable law of mortality. But the soul isn't. So start focussing on the formless entity that resides inside you, and not the 'formfull' one outside. Don't look at magazines like GQ or Vogue and feel inferior about yourself. You're much bigger than that, and special in your own way. You don't need the media to put a stamp of approval on who you are, or who you should be.
And feel the love. It's the single most powerful emotion to transform everything – your life, your relationships, your career and most importantly – your spirit. In fact, you could call it Botox for your soul!
Moving on
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Roh
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It's a still, lonely, frigid night
Smoky mists engulf me
The usual inane, pointless fight
I'm sadly alone but happily free
Years of love all swept away
Leavin' behind my bare soul
Nothin' to do, feel, or say
Time will play its perfect role
The moon smiles down
Pearly white, it shines so bright
Erasing gently my fixed frown
A stranger comes by, our eyes meet
She's lonely too, tears flowing free
Love's a feeling nothing can beat
No longer is it just the night and me
Smoky mists engulf me
The usual inane, pointless fight
I'm sadly alone but happily free
Years of love all swept away
Leavin' behind my bare soul
Nothin' to do, feel, or say
Time will play its perfect role
The moon smiles down
Pearly white, it shines so bright
Erasing gently my fixed frown
A stranger comes by, our eyes meet
She's lonely too, tears flowing free
Love's a feeling nothing can beat
No longer is it just the night and me
Distant Love
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Roh
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You’ve been away so long,
I’ve lost track of time,
Baby, I ain’t that strong,
My heart can’t help but whine
Sugar when you left me,
You said we’d see this through,
But all I envision is a vast sea,
That separates me and you
Distance fuels love
That’s what they all say,
But the warmth of our love-making,
Can’t be felt from far away
Come back my love, it’s time
Your heart is safe with me
You belong to me, you’re all mine,
It’s that simple, can’t you see?
I’ll wait for you, every day
You’re so worth the wait,
There’s nothing else I’d like to say,
I miss you my love, my soul mate
I’ve lost track of time,
Baby, I ain’t that strong,
My heart can’t help but whine
Sugar when you left me,
You said we’d see this through,
But all I envision is a vast sea,
That separates me and you
Distance fuels love
That’s what they all say,
But the warmth of our love-making,
Can’t be felt from far away
Come back my love, it’s time
Your heart is safe with me
You belong to me, you’re all mine,
It’s that simple, can’t you see?
I’ll wait for you, every day
You’re so worth the wait,
There’s nothing else I’d like to say,
I miss you my love, my soul mate
Travails in Wales!
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Roh
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Something from my past... I'm sure you'll will enjoy it! Do comment.
I stood at the British Airways counter, eagerly anticipating my boarding pass. Studying abroad is the dream of many students and for most it ends up remaining one. Not belonging to that category, I was ready and raring to embark upon my academic journey. I didn’t really know what life had in store for me but my fingers were crossed. Four months later, they were still crossed.
My flight to Cardiff was rather bumpy, which in retrospect was an indicator of what my stay there would be like too. I had enrolled myself into the MBA program at Cardiff Business School. I was 20 and confused about what I wanted in life. At that time, words such as ‘best business school’, ‘ranked number 7 in Wales’, and ‘guaranteed bright future’ seemed like the perfect solution to my career dilemma. After all, almost every student in India pursues either management or accountancy post Bachelors in Commerce. I didn’t feel like being different. I just wanted to escape the monotony of my life in Mumbai and explore another city. A different culture seemed to be calling out to me. The MBA was a ticket to get there.
'There’s no way I’m sending you abroad, and that too for an MBA. Struggle to get a seat in one of the top schools in India. You’ll end up wasting your time and our money for a course that has zero value in India when you return’ said my father two months ago, when the thought of doing an MBA had been 'put' into my mind. The word ‘return’ echoed in my head. I hadn’t even thought of returning. But before I could consciously avoid turning my thoughts into speech, I spurted out ‘Who’s going to return. I’m going to build my life in England’. That was my last sentence for the day.
The next day I tried my luck with my mother, since in most Indian households, it is the woman who ultimately makes all the important decisions. 'What will you eat there my baby?' was her immediate response. Mothers in India have two common complaints: 1) The child isn't eating enough 2) the child isn't studying enough. My mother wasn't too concerned with the latter since my grades were always satisfactory so the former became her obsession. To top it, I belonged to a Punjabi household so at breakfast we spoke about what's made for lunch; at lunch, we discussed dinner; and at dinner, we discussed next day's breakfast. For a change, this time the dinner conversation was my future. My mother insisted that I was making a wise choice while my father constantly nodded his head in disapproval. ‘Foolish’ ‘Foolish’ ‘Foolish’ was all he said during the whole conversation. ‘Quite a limited vocabulary’ I remarked as we finished dinner.
Actually, an MBA was never on my mind. The whole thought was initiated by my maternal uncle, who I adore, and who told me 'Do what you wish in life, but first get qualified in management'. Initially, I was very impressed by the statement. As I analyzed it further, it made no sense at all; something I realized much later. He was perhaps right from his perspective on life, but my limited brain suggested otherwise. Anyway, he was convinced that I had to study management and since his son (my first cousin) was already studying in Wales, I would have no problem adjusting. My uncle decided to fund my education since my father disassociated himself from my education plans till I got some real direction in life.
The next two months were spent in visa formalities and farewells. I was stepping into the 'big bad world' and the tension in my family was reaching insurmountable heights. 'Don't forget your passport' was my father’s parting line as I left the house, accompanied by awkward body contact that resembled a hug. My aunt, girlfriend and mother were inconsolable.
As I sat on my seat reminiscing about the whole pre-Cardiff process, the flight attendant announced 'Ladies and gentlemen please fasten your seat belts and prepare for landing'. The word ‘prepared’ seemed ironic in my present state of mind. ‘Am I really prepared?’ I thought to myself as the airhostess came over and fastened my seat belt for me.
While I stood in the immigration line, a lady came up to me and tapped my shoulder. Her loud make-up and glittering dress made the airport seem like a North Indian wedding venue. She looked at me and asked 'Indian?' I nodded in approval and at the same time wondered if I looked like anything else. She went on to say 'This is my daughter Neha’, pointing towards her direction. Neha looked like a miniature version of make-up aunty, except that she wore blue jeans and a short, tight t-shirt that revealed her midriff, which considering her size, was an unpleasant sight to the naked eye. ‘She has applied for Cardiff University. Will you take care of her? I'm very worried since she has never been abroad and don't want her to fall into wrong company. She lives in the university dorm and ....' My thoughts travelled faster than her words. I immediately remembered my father who, if present in this situation, would remark 'If he takes care of your daughter, who the hell will take care of him'. I thanked my stars for his absence at the current moment. My next thought was 'how did this woman assume that I am not wrong company? Heck, I could be the worst company ever and why did she so readily decide that I was nice'. The narcissist in me attributed it to my looks. I began to blush foolishly at the thought of my good looks, only to be interrupted by the woman. 'You are Punjabi, right?' she asked. ‘How did you know?' was my immediate retort. 'That dog tag around your neck says Pasricha'. I looked embarrassingly at the tag. My parents had bought it for me in case I got lost. It had my name, address and contact number. I vowed to remove it as soon as I boarded the flight but had forgotten. Now, it had got me into trouble with an over concerned mother looking to protect her vulnerable Punjabi daughter. I also heard the inner voice in me laugh 'Ha Ha Ha Ha. It's not about your looks you moron. It's just because you are Punjabi'. 'Whatever' I mumbled under my breath to which the aunty looked at me in shock. 'What!? Is that the way to talk to an elderly lady?' Before I could explain myself, she walked away in a huff, daughter in tow. My inner voice had saved the day. ‘Good riddance’ I thought. I wasn't particularly interested in making my first friend at the airport.
'Noni!' my cousin yelled as he saw me arriving from a distance. I wish he hadn't referred to me by my pet name. The foreigners around giggled that some guy called 'Noni' had landed from India. The drive from the airport was a long one. Cardiff is situated three hours from London. In those three hours, I inundated my brother with all the family gossip, from our first cousin Radhika's marriage to our driver eloping with the maid. In three-and-a-half hours, I arrived at the building, where I was going to spend the next one year of my life. My course was to begin in three weeks time and there were many 'pre-joining' parties organized. I hated partying so I avoided them. I wish I had attended them though. The shock of the first day of class could have been avoided. After three weeks of relaxing and sightseeing with my brother, I was all geared up for my first day at Cardiff University. The place was beautiful, and looked every bit like the pictures in the brochure. I entered the class with only one thought in my mind: 'Global exposure. Here I come'.
The sight of my own people had never upset me so much. In fact, finding your own kind in a foreign land reassures you that you are not alone; that reassuring feeling wasn’t for this moment. I hadn’t enrolled into a global program to interact with fellow Indians. The whole class was filled with students alright, but only Indian ones. 'This is a dream Rohan, relax, you're still in National college at Bandra'. I pinched myself. It hurt. Bad. No, this wasn't a dream. It was a painful reality. I had admitted myself, paying multiple times more than what I would have paid in India, into a program which resembled any other classroom in my country. 'How in the world was this supposed to be global exposure' I thought. There were world maps stuck all around the classroom. 'Is this what they meant by global exposure' my inner voice demanded to know. I had no answer. I took my place and sat down.
The row in front of mine comprised a tiny group of Britons and Greeks who looked like outsiders in their own country. The Indian girl beside me struck out her hand from her winter jacket and said 'Hey cutie, want to be friends?' I was about to pass out in shock. What had I got myself into? The next two months passed. I came, sat for lessons, and left. I had made just one friend, a Greek girl, who felt the same way about the course. The curriculum had looked different on paper but I soon realized that it was just a mere extension of my management studies at the undergraduate level. That was rote learning; this was sophisticated rote learning with powerpoint slides. My evenings were spent with my Greek friend, either at her apartment or mine. To escape the drudgery of my MBA life, I had found solace in writing, and would write a poem or article everyday. A month passed like this, and the first instalment of my fees were due. I was about to call my parents to transfer the money into my account, when I decided otherwise.
I wanted to go back. I had had enough of this course. Having only paid the initial amount, which wasn't much, I didn’t feel guilty about my decision to withdraw. My parents, as expected, didn't take my decision too well, especially my father. 'See, I told you it's not his cup of tea' my father said, his nostrils expanding and contracting rapidly. I could feel this happening over the phone. ‘Actually, it was my cup of tea’ I replied indignantly. I had topped in the preliminary exams held one month after the course. I continued ‘this is not something I can’t do. It is something I don’t want to do’. The only sound I heard in response to my statement was ‘cling’; he had hung up. Next, I described my plight to my mother as we spoke via video conference. ‘I feel choked in this course' I said all teary-eyed. 'What is it you want to do' she asked. 'I want to be a writer' I replied. She hung up too. Minutes later she called back and said ‘I love you. Come soon’.
I spent the next one month in Cardiff simply enjoying myself looking at different places and figuring out what to do next. The next day, I received a mail from a job portal with the subject 'Sub-editor and writer' and the description 'May all men their servants be; Queen English, I pledge to serve only thee. Do you believe that you possess communication skills that have lied been lying untapped for long? Do those tiny errors jump out at you from newspapers or magazines? Do you itch to rewrite a shoddy piece? Do you believe regular job profiles are not for you? If so, read on to learn about Cactus Communications, a place where you can grow, excel, have fun, and yet be yourself’. The description screamed 'That's you! Apply'. I did and my written test and interview was scheduled for next month. As I returned home three weeks later, I was slightly scared about what my father's reaction would be. With great trepidation, I opened the lift gates. I noticed that the main door of my house had a large poster decorated with lights. The poster read 'return of the prodigal son', typed in the largest font size on Microsoft word. My father, thankfully, hadn't lost his sense of humour. A week after arrival, I got the job with Cactus Communications. After all, when you worship P.G Wodehouse, you can't be bad in English! My crossed fingers were free at last.
I stood at the British Airways counter, eagerly anticipating my boarding pass. Studying abroad is the dream of many students and for most it ends up remaining one. Not belonging to that category, I was ready and raring to embark upon my academic journey. I didn’t really know what life had in store for me but my fingers were crossed. Four months later, they were still crossed.
My flight to Cardiff was rather bumpy, which in retrospect was an indicator of what my stay there would be like too. I had enrolled myself into the MBA program at Cardiff Business School. I was 20 and confused about what I wanted in life. At that time, words such as ‘best business school’, ‘ranked number 7 in Wales’, and ‘guaranteed bright future’ seemed like the perfect solution to my career dilemma. After all, almost every student in India pursues either management or accountancy post Bachelors in Commerce. I didn’t feel like being different. I just wanted to escape the monotony of my life in Mumbai and explore another city. A different culture seemed to be calling out to me. The MBA was a ticket to get there.
'There’s no way I’m sending you abroad, and that too for an MBA. Struggle to get a seat in one of the top schools in India. You’ll end up wasting your time and our money for a course that has zero value in India when you return’ said my father two months ago, when the thought of doing an MBA had been 'put' into my mind. The word ‘return’ echoed in my head. I hadn’t even thought of returning. But before I could consciously avoid turning my thoughts into speech, I spurted out ‘Who’s going to return. I’m going to build my life in England’. That was my last sentence for the day.
The next day I tried my luck with my mother, since in most Indian households, it is the woman who ultimately makes all the important decisions. 'What will you eat there my baby?' was her immediate response. Mothers in India have two common complaints: 1) The child isn't eating enough 2) the child isn't studying enough. My mother wasn't too concerned with the latter since my grades were always satisfactory so the former became her obsession. To top it, I belonged to a Punjabi household so at breakfast we spoke about what's made for lunch; at lunch, we discussed dinner; and at dinner, we discussed next day's breakfast. For a change, this time the dinner conversation was my future. My mother insisted that I was making a wise choice while my father constantly nodded his head in disapproval. ‘Foolish’ ‘Foolish’ ‘Foolish’ was all he said during the whole conversation. ‘Quite a limited vocabulary’ I remarked as we finished dinner.
Actually, an MBA was never on my mind. The whole thought was initiated by my maternal uncle, who I adore, and who told me 'Do what you wish in life, but first get qualified in management'. Initially, I was very impressed by the statement. As I analyzed it further, it made no sense at all; something I realized much later. He was perhaps right from his perspective on life, but my limited brain suggested otherwise. Anyway, he was convinced that I had to study management and since his son (my first cousin) was already studying in Wales, I would have no problem adjusting. My uncle decided to fund my education since my father disassociated himself from my education plans till I got some real direction in life.
The next two months were spent in visa formalities and farewells. I was stepping into the 'big bad world' and the tension in my family was reaching insurmountable heights. 'Don't forget your passport' was my father’s parting line as I left the house, accompanied by awkward body contact that resembled a hug. My aunt, girlfriend and mother were inconsolable.
As I sat on my seat reminiscing about the whole pre-Cardiff process, the flight attendant announced 'Ladies and gentlemen please fasten your seat belts and prepare for landing'. The word ‘prepared’ seemed ironic in my present state of mind. ‘Am I really prepared?’ I thought to myself as the airhostess came over and fastened my seat belt for me.
While I stood in the immigration line, a lady came up to me and tapped my shoulder. Her loud make-up and glittering dress made the airport seem like a North Indian wedding venue. She looked at me and asked 'Indian?' I nodded in approval and at the same time wondered if I looked like anything else. She went on to say 'This is my daughter Neha’, pointing towards her direction. Neha looked like a miniature version of make-up aunty, except that she wore blue jeans and a short, tight t-shirt that revealed her midriff, which considering her size, was an unpleasant sight to the naked eye. ‘She has applied for Cardiff University. Will you take care of her? I'm very worried since she has never been abroad and don't want her to fall into wrong company. She lives in the university dorm and ....' My thoughts travelled faster than her words. I immediately remembered my father who, if present in this situation, would remark 'If he takes care of your daughter, who the hell will take care of him'. I thanked my stars for his absence at the current moment. My next thought was 'how did this woman assume that I am not wrong company? Heck, I could be the worst company ever and why did she so readily decide that I was nice'. The narcissist in me attributed it to my looks. I began to blush foolishly at the thought of my good looks, only to be interrupted by the woman. 'You are Punjabi, right?' she asked. ‘How did you know?' was my immediate retort. 'That dog tag around your neck says Pasricha'. I looked embarrassingly at the tag. My parents had bought it for me in case I got lost. It had my name, address and contact number. I vowed to remove it as soon as I boarded the flight but had forgotten. Now, it had got me into trouble with an over concerned mother looking to protect her vulnerable Punjabi daughter. I also heard the inner voice in me laugh 'Ha Ha Ha Ha. It's not about your looks you moron. It's just because you are Punjabi'. 'Whatever' I mumbled under my breath to which the aunty looked at me in shock. 'What!? Is that the way to talk to an elderly lady?' Before I could explain myself, she walked away in a huff, daughter in tow. My inner voice had saved the day. ‘Good riddance’ I thought. I wasn't particularly interested in making my first friend at the airport.
'Noni!' my cousin yelled as he saw me arriving from a distance. I wish he hadn't referred to me by my pet name. The foreigners around giggled that some guy called 'Noni' had landed from India. The drive from the airport was a long one. Cardiff is situated three hours from London. In those three hours, I inundated my brother with all the family gossip, from our first cousin Radhika's marriage to our driver eloping with the maid. In three-and-a-half hours, I arrived at the building, where I was going to spend the next one year of my life. My course was to begin in three weeks time and there were many 'pre-joining' parties organized. I hated partying so I avoided them. I wish I had attended them though. The shock of the first day of class could have been avoided. After three weeks of relaxing and sightseeing with my brother, I was all geared up for my first day at Cardiff University. The place was beautiful, and looked every bit like the pictures in the brochure. I entered the class with only one thought in my mind: 'Global exposure. Here I come'.
The sight of my own people had never upset me so much. In fact, finding your own kind in a foreign land reassures you that you are not alone; that reassuring feeling wasn’t for this moment. I hadn’t enrolled into a global program to interact with fellow Indians. The whole class was filled with students alright, but only Indian ones. 'This is a dream Rohan, relax, you're still in National college at Bandra'. I pinched myself. It hurt. Bad. No, this wasn't a dream. It was a painful reality. I had admitted myself, paying multiple times more than what I would have paid in India, into a program which resembled any other classroom in my country. 'How in the world was this supposed to be global exposure' I thought. There were world maps stuck all around the classroom. 'Is this what they meant by global exposure' my inner voice demanded to know. I had no answer. I took my place and sat down.
The row in front of mine comprised a tiny group of Britons and Greeks who looked like outsiders in their own country. The Indian girl beside me struck out her hand from her winter jacket and said 'Hey cutie, want to be friends?' I was about to pass out in shock. What had I got myself into? The next two months passed. I came, sat for lessons, and left. I had made just one friend, a Greek girl, who felt the same way about the course. The curriculum had looked different on paper but I soon realized that it was just a mere extension of my management studies at the undergraduate level. That was rote learning; this was sophisticated rote learning with powerpoint slides. My evenings were spent with my Greek friend, either at her apartment or mine. To escape the drudgery of my MBA life, I had found solace in writing, and would write a poem or article everyday. A month passed like this, and the first instalment of my fees were due. I was about to call my parents to transfer the money into my account, when I decided otherwise.
I wanted to go back. I had had enough of this course. Having only paid the initial amount, which wasn't much, I didn’t feel guilty about my decision to withdraw. My parents, as expected, didn't take my decision too well, especially my father. 'See, I told you it's not his cup of tea' my father said, his nostrils expanding and contracting rapidly. I could feel this happening over the phone. ‘Actually, it was my cup of tea’ I replied indignantly. I had topped in the preliminary exams held one month after the course. I continued ‘this is not something I can’t do. It is something I don’t want to do’. The only sound I heard in response to my statement was ‘cling’; he had hung up. Next, I described my plight to my mother as we spoke via video conference. ‘I feel choked in this course' I said all teary-eyed. 'What is it you want to do' she asked. 'I want to be a writer' I replied. She hung up too. Minutes later she called back and said ‘I love you. Come soon’.
I spent the next one month in Cardiff simply enjoying myself looking at different places and figuring out what to do next. The next day, I received a mail from a job portal with the subject 'Sub-editor and writer' and the description 'May all men their servants be; Queen English, I pledge to serve only thee. Do you believe that you possess communication skills that have lied been lying untapped for long? Do those tiny errors jump out at you from newspapers or magazines? Do you itch to rewrite a shoddy piece? Do you believe regular job profiles are not for you? If so, read on to learn about Cactus Communications, a place where you can grow, excel, have fun, and yet be yourself’. The description screamed 'That's you! Apply'. I did and my written test and interview was scheduled for next month. As I returned home three weeks later, I was slightly scared about what my father's reaction would be. With great trepidation, I opened the lift gates. I noticed that the main door of my house had a large poster decorated with lights. The poster read 'return of the prodigal son', typed in the largest font size on Microsoft word. My father, thankfully, hadn't lost his sense of humour. A week after arrival, I got the job with Cactus Communications. After all, when you worship P.G Wodehouse, you can't be bad in English! My crossed fingers were free at last.
Master your emotions
Posted by
Roh
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It doesn’t take much to annoy us - it could be a scathing comment masked in jest, or a seemingly harmless observation with sinister intention. Whichever it is, it doesn’t matter. What does matter however is our reaction. If you learn to act, and not re-act, then you’ve touched upon something truly special. But the tragedy is that most of us only end up reacting, never acting. Why do we blame another person for saying something to us, and give our power away? The person shot something from his mouth, and nonchalantly walked away, leaving us to endlessly ponder over the comment. Yet, why must we ponder? Why can’t we discard the comment with the similar level of insensitivity with which it was delivered? The answer is simple, really – it’s the ego. Our ego often prevents us from seeing us for who we really are, and also, from seeing others for who they really are. Mastery of emotions can never be achieved without the mastery of the ego. I’m still endeavouring to do so, and I do believe that I’ve made considerable progress. And you will too, if you gently assimilate new concepts. I emphasize gently since nothing is ever achieved by force. Nothing worthwhile, anyway. And as you apply these ideas to your daily life, and find yourself struggling, don’t sweat. And most importantly, don’t berate yourself, for you are a wonderfully perfect creation of God. Here’s a little personal insight into our most common emotion.
ANGER
Work through your anger, it’s not really so hard to do so. The next time you find yourself getting angry at something or someone, just immediately change your thought process. Think of something calming, think of the lovely things about yourself, of how many things you’re grateful for. This will be a little tough in the beginning, for the mind is inherently rebellious. It will try and force you out of such thinking and compel you to act on your anger, but just like any other machine, the mind can and does respond to training. Train your mind. Train it to think different thoughts, positive thoughts, fulfilling thoughts, grateful thoughts, anything but angry thoughts. Anger is like a virus, destroying everything that comes into its path. Don’t contain anger, for that is harmful too. Rather, work on releasing that anger. When someone does something to anger you, instantly turn your attention to your breath. Focus on breathing in, and breathing out, counting till 10. And then starting over. You will soon feel your anger subsiding, and gradually, vanishing. That’s not the only technique though. If you can’t change your thought process at the moment, or focus on your breath, just keep the anger inside, but don’t react. When you get home, find a pillow, and punch it vigorously. Keep punching it, till you feel that pent-up aggression being released. And when it’s all done, when the pillow has exploded and the feathers are strewn all over the room, calmly sit down and ask yourself ‘why did I react like that?’, ‘What’s the problem in the pattern of my consciousness that is causing such reactions?’ And then, I suggest something drastic. Forgive the person. Forgive him/her, even if it wasn’t your fault. Forgive the person for you know that you’re beyond trivial things. Forgive the person for you understand what the other person doesn’t. Forgive the person for there’s divinity within you. And most importantly, forgive the person for there’s divinity in them. When we understand that supreme divinity flows through everyone, how can we not be more forgiving? Every spiritual book, whether it’s ‘A course in miracles,’ or ‘Conversations with God’, or ‘You can heal your life’ talks about the single most act that defines your life – forgiveness. And it doesn’t cost you money or time. Yet it’s priceless, and timeless. And Louise Hay, whom I consider my idol, makes the process of forgiveness so easy that’s it hard not to do. Simply think of the person whom you want to forgive, and say aloud or mentally, ‘I forgive you for not being what I want you to be. I forgive you and set you free.’ And as Louise rightly says, this affirmation actually sets us free!
I’ve struggled with anger, intense anger, before I began my inward journey. If I didn’t have things my way, it would make me angry. If someone had things their way, and if I didn’t like that way, it would make me angry. It would take awful little to anger or irritate me, and when I look back, it was such a waste of mental energy. But I don’t regret it, any of it. For certain incidents in your life happen for a reason, and sometimes it is those apparently regretful incidents that shape your life. So never regret anything. Bless your past, see it for what it was, and move on. And don’t struggle with this new thought pattern. Your new thinking process will seamlessly bind into your consciousness. For life is meant to be easy, so stop believing otherwise.
Are you self-centred or selfish?
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Roh
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It’s easy to confuse these two terms, but they are as different from each other as chalk and cheese. While ‘selfish‘ suggests blatant disregard for another, ‘self centred’ simply implies a ‘greater’ focus on the self. Nothing wrong with the latter, everything wrong with the former!
If you love yourself, focus on your life, without delving too much into other people’s affairs, it makes you self-centred and not selfish. And being that way is, to me, the blueprint for a good life. To quote author Neale Donald Walsch in his best-selling book ‘Conversations with God’, “blessed are the self-centred for they shall know God.”
So the next time you put yourself BEFORE another and not at the COST of another, and someone calls you ‘selfish’, direct them to the nearest dictionary. Or better still, give them the link to this blog ;)
Rohan
My time will come
Posted by
Roh
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Birds will stop in their flight,
Trees won't sway, in the still night,
It's not far away, I needn't run,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
The inner me isn't yet known,
In my present life, I'm all alone,
What other people like, isn't my concept of fun,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
I've often lost my soul to love,
My commitment is seen by the figure above,
Yet this time I've lost, others forces have won,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
When you love another, and you feel pure,
Where love is the ailment, and also the cure,
But your emotions are tangled, like hair in a bun,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
I'm misunderstood, from within I'm torn,
I can't love another, unless it's my clone,
In such violent chaos, I'll simply keep mum,
It's a matter of time, my time will come
Trees won't sway, in the still night,
It's not far away, I needn't run,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
The inner me isn't yet known,
In my present life, I'm all alone,
What other people like, isn't my concept of fun,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
I've often lost my soul to love,
My commitment is seen by the figure above,
Yet this time I've lost, others forces have won,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
When you love another, and you feel pure,
Where love is the ailment, and also the cure,
But your emotions are tangled, like hair in a bun,
It's a matter of time, my time will come.
I'm misunderstood, from within I'm torn,
I can't love another, unless it's my clone,
In such violent chaos, I'll simply keep mum,
It's a matter of time, my time will come
The world of pornography – taking things 'lying down'?
Posted by
Roh
comments (2)
Like almost every other bloke on the planet, I've indulged in the viewing of porn- the odd flick here and there. And admittedly, it was rather entertaining.
This might sound ludicrous, but my reason for viewing it was a tad different from many others. I always felt that the performers were attracted to each other, or at the very least, shared a level of healthy comfort. After all, making love is an art, and how can the process occur, without the involvement of abundant emotions?
My idealistic perceptions went bust when I watched a talk show recently, the topic being 'horrors of the adult film industry'. I was shocked to realize that many women are forced into the business, and girls as young as 18 are misled by promises of fame and glamour. Of course, a lot enter the industry by choice, but leaving it is often choiceless. Moreover, in some films, the kind of acts women are made to perform are positively ghastly and the ideas for such performances can only germinate in a mind that is seriously depraved. A particular film titled 'Deep throat' is regarded as an adult film classic. When one reads the story line on wikipedia , it appears that the actors would have had immense fun while shooting for it. However, many years after the movie's release, the lead actress said she was forced to perform those acts by her perverted husband and anyone who watches the film, is, in essence, seeing her get raped.
We all in our own ways support this industry. If there wasn't a demand, there wouldn't be any supply. The next time you find yourself watching an adult film or see it stored in someone's mobile phone, simply ask yourself: Does this really serve me? Am I so desperate?
Wait for the real act, whenever it comes into your life. In all probability, it'll have a great deal of love involved in it. Trust me, the feeling is much better...and cleaner.
This might sound ludicrous, but my reason for viewing it was a tad different from many others. I always felt that the performers were attracted to each other, or at the very least, shared a level of healthy comfort. After all, making love is an art, and how can the process occur, without the involvement of abundant emotions?
My idealistic perceptions went bust when I watched a talk show recently, the topic being 'horrors of the adult film industry'. I was shocked to realize that many women are forced into the business, and girls as young as 18 are misled by promises of fame and glamour. Of course, a lot enter the industry by choice, but leaving it is often choiceless. Moreover, in some films, the kind of acts women are made to perform are positively ghastly and the ideas for such performances can only germinate in a mind that is seriously depraved. A particular film titled 'Deep throat' is regarded as an adult film classic. When one reads the story line on wikipedia , it appears that the actors would have had immense fun while shooting for it. However, many years after the movie's release, the lead actress said she was forced to perform those acts by her perverted husband and anyone who watches the film, is, in essence, seeing her get raped.
We all in our own ways support this industry. If there wasn't a demand, there wouldn't be any supply. The next time you find yourself watching an adult film or see it stored in someone's mobile phone, simply ask yourself: Does this really serve me? Am I so desperate?
Wait for the real act, whenever it comes into your life. In all probability, it'll have a great deal of love involved in it. Trust me, the feeling is much better...and cleaner.
Young India beckons us...are we listening?
Posted by
Roh
comments (1)
It's been a while since I put up something on my blog, except for the poem on sleep - a result of my revisit to childhood.
Today, I saw a short documentary titled 'America: Down and Out'. It focussed on the increasing level of homelessness in America, a country which has long boasted of being 'the land of opportunities'. However, let alone opportunities, the land doesn't even let the homeless lay their bodies on it; instead, they are arrested for 'loitering'. And this isn't rural India or Africa we're talking about. America belongs to the elite group of nations, the ones that consider themselves 'developed'. Yet, what really constitutes development? When employed people need to visit charity centers for a meal, it is a sign of imminent bad times.
When unemployment and homelessness is affecting such countries, I shudder to think about the situation in India. Here, our politicians unlawfully obtain MHADA flats, which are meant for the economically backward. They relentlessly siphon public money. They're public servants but amass wealth like medieval kings. To what extent will we bear the tyranny of such politicians? We are a democracy. Yet, we behave like we are under the dictatorship of these morally-deprived, power-hungry babus. There might be many honest politicians out there, but they're helpless since the majority are sick.
It's up to us - the younger generation - to really make a difference. We need to get together and demand cleaner politicians, better governance and stricter laws. After all, India is ours. And if not us, then who? And if not now, then when?
Today, I saw a short documentary titled 'America: Down and Out'. It focussed on the increasing level of homelessness in America, a country which has long boasted of being 'the land of opportunities'. However, let alone opportunities, the land doesn't even let the homeless lay their bodies on it; instead, they are arrested for 'loitering'. And this isn't rural India or Africa we're talking about. America belongs to the elite group of nations, the ones that consider themselves 'developed'. Yet, what really constitutes development? When employed people need to visit charity centers for a meal, it is a sign of imminent bad times.
When unemployment and homelessness is affecting such countries, I shudder to think about the situation in India. Here, our politicians unlawfully obtain MHADA flats, which are meant for the economically backward. They relentlessly siphon public money. They're public servants but amass wealth like medieval kings. To what extent will we bear the tyranny of such politicians? We are a democracy. Yet, we behave like we are under the dictatorship of these morally-deprived, power-hungry babus. There might be many honest politicians out there, but they're helpless since the majority are sick.
It's up to us - the younger generation - to really make a difference. We need to get together and demand cleaner politicians, better governance and stricter laws. After all, India is ours. And if not us, then who? And if not now, then when?
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