Relationships – they can be liberating, confusing, exhilarating, comforting, saddening, satisfying, reassuring – the list is endless, really. Yet, it’s precisely these myriad emotions that make relationships special. I’m in an utterly satisfying, committed relationship, and I’ve experienced all these feelings, and each feeling has only strengthened the bond that I share with my better half. As a student of life, I’ve always had many questions on relationships, and have explored various self-help books for finding my answers. But as with all sources of knowledge, the one that comes from within is always the best source. What you’re about to read now might seem like a contradiction to widely accepted beliefs about relationships, but if you read it with an open mind and heart, these words might resonate within you as the ‘truth’. Of course, in the larger scheme of things, nothing is really true or false or right or wrong. Everything in life is a matter of personal perspective.
As someone in a relationship for seven, fulfilling years (and counting), and two of those seven years being long-distance, I’m often asked how I handle temptations and situations where the desire to stray is intense. Many of these questions are from men or women who love their partners immensely but have ‘slipped up’ (to use their terminology) on a rare occasion. While the obvious moral answer is ‘You need to ask yourself if cheating on your partner is worth it’, I think the real answer lies elsewhere. History suggests that human beings have been attracted, physically or emotionally, to more than one person at a time, regardless of whether or not they were in a committed relationship. It’s basic human nature. In fact, a number of articles go on to suggest that even when it comes to marriage, monogamy is a not a natural phenomenon but a cultural one. Now while I, personally, don’t condone infidelity, I do agree with these observations at some level. If a friend of mine walked up to me and suddenly confessed, ‘I’m in a relationship with three incredible women’, my first response would be ‘Do you love all three?’ Now this might seem like a radical point of view to many people reading this, but it’s something that I do truly believe in. Moreover, my spiritual explorations over the years have only confirmed this belief. One of France’s famous psychologists, Maryse Vaillant recently stated ‘"Most men don't do it (indulge in infidelity) because they no longer love their partners, on the contrary," she said, "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".
I’m in a relationship with the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. And for someone who doesn’t care about looks, it’s something else when I say it! She’s all I really ever want or need from my life, and the feeling I get when I’m around her is unmatched. She’s the epitome of commitment, and despite being a writer, what I feel for her is indescribable in words. When I close my eyes, I just know she’ll be the mother of kids (apologies for being so sappy!). But she’s perfectly and intricately handcrafted for me. There’s definitely a past-life connection there. And I choose it remains for future lives too. Yet, it wasn’t always like this. Being the borderline eccentric person that I am, I’ve taken periodic breaks from my relationship, only to introspect and be sure of my feelings at a deeper level. And being the perfect woman that she is, she’s understood my need for this. I don’t want any doubts to arise when she’ll be my wife, and I choose to be the best husband, for not only does she deserve that, I WANT to be one. At the risk of sounding proud, I can say that I’ve had many, many women attracted to me in these seven years, and while there were temptations to stray, I’ve been committed. I’ve let myself loose on breaks at times, had some crazy drinking nights, done things one wouldn’t normally do, but I’ve never compromised the sanctity of my relationship, not in the strictest sense anyway. But if someone did stray, and sought my opinion on the matter, I wouldn’t judge the person. I think it’s very possible to really love someone, make a one-time ‘mistake’ (if that’s how you define it), and still not lose any feeling for the person you love. In many instances, it has a beneficial result: you realize that the one you love is irreplaceable and has a firm, rooted, irreplaceable place your heart, and the need for anything outside of it is misguided, or more appropriately, unnecessary. Of course, if you’re in and open relationship or on a break, it’s not straying. But even if you’re not, and it does happen by chance, then you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it, or let society play moral judge. Moreover, you shouldn’t feel like a victim of circumstances or victimize the other person. Everything in life is a choice. While these are points to consider, I, personally, truly believe that sex is something that is too intimate and can only be shared with someone you truly love, if you are in a relationship that is. If you’re not, you could have many sexual partners, and have feelings for all of them, until you find that one person you want to have it with for the rest of your life. And if you still don’t find the one, that’s perfectly alright too. There’s nothing wrong about choosing to remain single forever.
If you were to gatecrash a ‘committed’ man’s bachelor party, 8 out of the 10 things you would see there would be considered serious cheating (lap dances, kissing are some of the milder things!) But the way I look at it, it’s just a little mindless fun before you make that one, all-important commitment to your soul-mate. Some of you may wonder whether I practice what I preach. Well, I haven’t been in too many situations like these personally, so I can’t provide an accurate first-hand account. But here’s a hypothetical response. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Would I forgive my partner if she let herself slip-up once and assured me it didn’t mean a thing? Yes, I would. Would I expect her to do the same? No. Is it okay? Well, there’s never a definite answer to that. Not one that pleases all, anyway.
I believe in monogamy, but I also believe in the theory that it isn’t natural. There’s credible research that confirms this. Human beings, however, have evolved to the extent that they can keep their primal urges in check. So when I tie the knot with the woman I love, I’ll make that promise to uphold the pact of loyalty. But that’s only because I choose to not look beyond her. I find monogamy fabulous and sexual exclusivity wonderfully romantic. But it must be backed with the right purpose. It must arise out of the deep passion between two people. Most importantly, it should be a matter of choice. When it’s forced upon or is just a farce, it goes against our basic nature of seeking variety. So if you find that such exclusivity is a tough commitment and even tougher to stick to it, don’t think of yourself as the devil incarnate. It’s only natural! I, on the other hand, better go scouting for that perfect engagement ring.
As someone in a relationship for seven, fulfilling years (and counting), and two of those seven years being long-distance, I’m often asked how I handle temptations and situations where the desire to stray is intense. Many of these questions are from men or women who love their partners immensely but have ‘slipped up’ (to use their terminology) on a rare occasion. While the obvious moral answer is ‘You need to ask yourself if cheating on your partner is worth it’, I think the real answer lies elsewhere. History suggests that human beings have been attracted, physically or emotionally, to more than one person at a time, regardless of whether or not they were in a committed relationship. It’s basic human nature. In fact, a number of articles go on to suggest that even when it comes to marriage, monogamy is a not a natural phenomenon but a cultural one. Now while I, personally, don’t condone infidelity, I do agree with these observations at some level. If a friend of mine walked up to me and suddenly confessed, ‘I’m in a relationship with three incredible women’, my first response would be ‘Do you love all three?’ Now this might seem like a radical point of view to many people reading this, but it’s something that I do truly believe in. Moreover, my spiritual explorations over the years have only confirmed this belief. One of France’s famous psychologists, Maryse Vaillant recently stated ‘"Most men don't do it (indulge in infidelity) because they no longer love their partners, on the contrary," she said, "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".
I’m in a relationship with the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. And for someone who doesn’t care about looks, it’s something else when I say it! She’s all I really ever want or need from my life, and the feeling I get when I’m around her is unmatched. She’s the epitome of commitment, and despite being a writer, what I feel for her is indescribable in words. When I close my eyes, I just know she’ll be the mother of kids (apologies for being so sappy!). But she’s perfectly and intricately handcrafted for me. There’s definitely a past-life connection there. And I choose it remains for future lives too. Yet, it wasn’t always like this. Being the borderline eccentric person that I am, I’ve taken periodic breaks from my relationship, only to introspect and be sure of my feelings at a deeper level. And being the perfect woman that she is, she’s understood my need for this. I don’t want any doubts to arise when she’ll be my wife, and I choose to be the best husband, for not only does she deserve that, I WANT to be one. At the risk of sounding proud, I can say that I’ve had many, many women attracted to me in these seven years, and while there were temptations to stray, I’ve been committed. I’ve let myself loose on breaks at times, had some crazy drinking nights, done things one wouldn’t normally do, but I’ve never compromised the sanctity of my relationship, not in the strictest sense anyway. But if someone did stray, and sought my opinion on the matter, I wouldn’t judge the person. I think it’s very possible to really love someone, make a one-time ‘mistake’ (if that’s how you define it), and still not lose any feeling for the person you love. In many instances, it has a beneficial result: you realize that the one you love is irreplaceable and has a firm, rooted, irreplaceable place your heart, and the need for anything outside of it is misguided, or more appropriately, unnecessary. Of course, if you’re in and open relationship or on a break, it’s not straying. But even if you’re not, and it does happen by chance, then you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it, or let society play moral judge. Moreover, you shouldn’t feel like a victim of circumstances or victimize the other person. Everything in life is a choice. While these are points to consider, I, personally, truly believe that sex is something that is too intimate and can only be shared with someone you truly love, if you are in a relationship that is. If you’re not, you could have many sexual partners, and have feelings for all of them, until you find that one person you want to have it with for the rest of your life. And if you still don’t find the one, that’s perfectly alright too. There’s nothing wrong about choosing to remain single forever.
If you were to gatecrash a ‘committed’ man’s bachelor party, 8 out of the 10 things you would see there would be considered serious cheating (lap dances, kissing are some of the milder things!) But the way I look at it, it’s just a little mindless fun before you make that one, all-important commitment to your soul-mate. Some of you may wonder whether I practice what I preach. Well, I haven’t been in too many situations like these personally, so I can’t provide an accurate first-hand account. But here’s a hypothetical response. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Would I forgive my partner if she let herself slip-up once and assured me it didn’t mean a thing? Yes, I would. Would I expect her to do the same? No. Is it okay? Well, there’s never a definite answer to that. Not one that pleases all, anyway.
I believe in monogamy, but I also believe in the theory that it isn’t natural. There’s credible research that confirms this. Human beings, however, have evolved to the extent that they can keep their primal urges in check. So when I tie the knot with the woman I love, I’ll make that promise to uphold the pact of loyalty. But that’s only because I choose to not look beyond her. I find monogamy fabulous and sexual exclusivity wonderfully romantic. But it must be backed with the right purpose. It must arise out of the deep passion between two people. Most importantly, it should be a matter of choice. When it’s forced upon or is just a farce, it goes against our basic nature of seeking variety. So if you find that such exclusivity is a tough commitment and even tougher to stick to it, don’t think of yourself as the devil incarnate. It’s only natural! I, on the other hand, better go scouting for that perfect engagement ring.
